The End Has Only Begun

I guess you could say I've had an off day.

As I write this at nearly 2:30 in the morning I realize that it is no longer Friday, but seeing as I am not yet asleep, I will still consider it as such.

My day started early. Well earlier than it did Thursday when I woke up at 4:00 in the afternoon. Don't do a double-take...you read it right the first time.

So I woke up at 9:00, had a warm but uneventful shower, grabbed a coffee and walked over to physio.

I hate physio. Actually I hate this physio. I'm sure if I were doing my physiotherapy in New Brunswick I would enjoy it. I've had 4 sessions. My theory is that in New Brunswick, by the fourth session the physiotherapist and I would be good buddies and I probably just got back from having coffee with him/her (OK, slight exaggeration, but not by much.)

Out here is a bit different. I walk in and sign into a sign in sheet while the two snooty looking young secretaries ignore me (one because she is on the phone trying to get money from people, and the other because that is just her character.)

I walk into a gym area where I sit down and for the next 50 minutes I do finger workouts, move my wrist, and listen in on the phone/other conversations of other people in the gym area. Then after 50 minutes a physiotherapist finally realizes that I exist and sits me down by a machine, sticks material patches to my hand, covers my hand with ice and sends electrical pulses through my arm. Then I pay $40 and I am on my way.

How impersonal! It drives me nuts that I am paying (well eventually the insurance picks it up) so much money to do exercises I could do at home, simply so I can get the electrical pulse treatment and an assessment every so often.

To make matters worse, all the pain is back...in triplicate. Everything was fine this morning, except for an odd pain in my back (most likely a strain from trying to lift my suitcase full of clothing.) Then, throughout the afternoon as I carried on with my regular tasks, all the pain came back and it is currently driving me nuts. So I am probably going to have to go to physiotherapy in New Brunswick when I get home. It's probably for the best though...at least they care about people in New Brunswick.

The city (Toronto) has a tendency to make people callous (I find.) Sometimes I feel like a really bitter and annoying person after spending too long here. It'll be a breath of fresh air (both literally and figuratively) to go back to New Brunswick. I think Toronto can make you a bad person if you let it.

Unfortunately, due to my off feeling today, I appear to be consumed with unhappy thoughts (hence the title of my blog.)

The title is actually from a really awesome Lifehouse song of the same title, with amazing lyrics:

We walk in your footsteps

Though I've had my ups and downs

And I'll stand in the silence

Until I figure it out

One might fall and the other will stand

And one might give where the other won't bend

The night is bright as the sun

I'm never gonna know

Never gonna look back

Never gonna know where we would have ended up at

The end has only begun

So stop counting the hours

Live out in the world

Cause I've been chasing the answers

And they don't want to be found

I have highlighted the particular parts that stand out to me right now. I think the thing that saddens me about going home is that it is, indeed, the beginning of the end.

From the moment I get home it'll be the beginning of the end of the summer. It'll be the beginning of the end of my childhood, as I explore further into my studies to find a career. It'll be the beginning of the end of my dependency on my parents. It'll be the beginning of the end as my 'summer spent home' turns into 'weekend trips to New Brunswick.' Some of this excites me, but right now I'm a bit scared. I think it's just the end-of-the-year-blues. I think the fact that I am suddenly done 1/3 of my course, and well on my way to my future career that is throwing me off.

I will be 20 when I graduate. 20 when I'm expected to walk out into the world and go "Hey World! It's Kyla! Remember me? Am I accepted yet?"

Bad and negative thoughts aside, I want this summer to rock. I want to spend every possible moment smiling, and making memories that'll last forever, during my bitter cold months in the smog (see the bold area about not counting the hours...I interpret that as living for each moment.)

After physio I walked to the mall. Musicworld appears to be having some sort of crazy DVD sale because I bought Coffee and Cigarettes and Fargo for 2/$20 (not a bad price for good DVD's.) Please note that Steve Buscemi is in exactly both of these movies, and if you'll glance to the right you will notice that they're on my list to watch, and I'm sure that by tomorrow they will have an IMDB link on them.

Tomorrow is move-out day, but since Dad is moving into his new house, he can't pick me up until Sunday, so tomorrow will be a long and tedious day (hence all the movie watching.)

Then I ate a happy lunch at KFC (where I realized that I should never wear a v-neck in public again because this creepy old guy sat at a table nearby and decided to check me out the entire time.)

After that I went to see the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy movie.

Ugh.

What a waste of $4.25.

Like, the movie was nice to look at, but other than that it was worthless. They really chopped up the original story (which was soooooooo amazing) and took a lot of liberties with the ideas and characters. The pacing was really off as well. The scenes that are brilliantly written and have beautiful dialogue and ideas (in the book) were done and over in mere seconds, and the ones that were particularly boring (or not true to the story) took ages to get through. It was just upsetting...it pained me to sit there and watch literary murder happen before my eyes.

I think the only thing that saved it was the fact that Alan Rickman voiced Marvin, the paranoid android. Very cute character, sure to spark numerous with figurine and look-alike sales.

To be honest, right now, words cannot describe my disappointment. I was soooooooo looking forward to seeing this movie, and it really let me down. Oh well...

I got an iced coffee afterwards. That made things better.

The rest of my night went as follows:

- got into an MSN fight with Andrew

- Andrew and I made up and all is well

- ate dinner

- watched the Ellen Degeneres show

- did nothing

- listened to my Lifehouse CD which rocks my world

- watched America's Funniest Home Videos and then America's Next Top Model

- watched Devon (only other person left around) play this emogame (warning: game is definitely rated R for language and pixelated nudity.)

- watched a few segments of Coffee and Cigarettes (especially the Steve Buscemi one...and the Tom Waits/Iggy Pop one was cute as well.)
- more Lifehouse

- sat here and wrote a blog

And now I'm going to bed. I apologize for all the depressingness...I think once I'm out of this cell and driving down the highway through Quebec on my way back to paradise and love I will feel better. Until then...