A License To Walk

I swear, some people need a license to be permitted to walk down a busy hallway.

I believe that walking should be taken as seriously as driving, and those who abuse their right to walk should be ticketed and fined. Bad walkers wouldn't even be allowed in the high traffic areas, and would have to resort to finding back routes to get to their chosen location. Here are a few issues I have with the way people currently walk.

1) Walk on the right
Is it just me, or am I the only one who thought it was some universal unwritten law that when you walk down a hallway or up stairs or something, you stick to the right? (note: this may not be universal...I don't know what the people who drive on the opposite side of the road do when they are walking.) In any case, if you are in North America, please stick to the right side of wherever you are walking. This will make life a lot easier for everyone. If you aren't from North America and do live in one of those backwards nations, please follow our walking customs. We don't come to your country and drive on the right and crash and get into crazy accidents...we try and make things work. Do your research!

2) Slow walkers should stick to the right and not drift into other lanes
Don't you hate it when you are in a hurry and are walking briskly and you see a slow walker ahead of you? You see a space where you can safely pass and just as you start picking up speed to make your move, they somehow drift out right where you wanted to go. In desperation you decide to pass on the right (more on this later) and they somehow drift right back in front of you. Now when you go to pass on the left it's too busy with oncoming traffic to attempt a move and you are stuck behind this slow idiot for the remainder of your trip. You even say excuse me a few times, but all they do is glance back and continue on their slow merry way.

3) If you must walk in a group, do it in a single file and NOT a big cluster
When you are driving, and you have friends following you (as you are all going to the same location) you don't drive in a little cluster and yap at each other from the windows across all the possible lanes. You drive in a nice single file and you wait until you are at your location (in the hallway situation it may be a classroom or a cafeteria table) to continue your conversation. It is the most infuriating thing when you try to pass a group of people walking three wide, completely monopolizing any way of passing. To make matters worse, they aren't going the speed limit. Seriously, I reiterate, if you're going to walk slow, STAY TO THE FRIGGIN' RIGHT! I swear if I see one more group of dummies walking like I mentioned above and walking slow, I am going to have a breakdown on them all!

4) Look before turning
Unless you are a complete maniac, when you are driving you wouldn't just bound out into traffic to make a turn without looking first to see if you have the signal to go and without making sure no other traffic is barreling down on you. I know that in the hallways there is no specific signal, but it would be nice if people would take the second thought into consideration. I hate it when I'm turning a hallway safely and someone crashes into me because they haven't bothered to look both ways and scan the intersection for anyone else, or wait for their right away, like on a 4-way stop or a T-intersection.

5) Don't pass on the right
If you are one of those crazy people who feel the need to run down the hallway at a breakneck speed and swerve in and out of traffic, do not pass on my right or I will freak out on you. At the rate you are going I wouldn't be surprised if you crashed into me and pushed me into oncoming traffic. This is unfair. Just because you are a maniac doesn't mean you have to risk my life. I was obviously in the left hand lane for a reason (ie: just finished passing or am going to pass) and your quick swerving is unnerving and will hurt someone (who, coincidentally you will ignore because you are going too fast to care.)

6) Don't use your cell phone
This becomes as hazardous as walking in groups. I personally hate cell phones and at this point in my life refuse to own one. I remember a time when we all got along without cell phones, so I don't know why some people freak when they forget theirs at home. Your life can't be that important that you need to check your messages every 30.45 seconds. So what if you miss a call because you are busy watching where you are going? Seriously...think about it: cause an accident or call someone back a minute later? If you must answer your cell phone when walking down the hallway, pull off to the shoulder so you don't mess up the walking patterns of anyone else. Someone may tell you something shocking which will cause you to lose your cool and stop abruptly or spin out or something and that just wreaks havoc for everyone else. And those of you walking down the hallway chatting it up all crazy-like: I think you look stupid. Nothing personal...I just think you look like a dork cupping a small plastic apparatus to your face and yelling into a mouthpiece. So you enjoy your cellphone and all it's special features...just don't get in my way with it or you will suffer the consequences.

That's all the rules I can think of for right now. Basically, if you need to walk down a hallway, think of it as a priviledge just like driving.

If anyone has any other suggestions for rules (because someone in a hallway pissed you off like I was today, hence this post) please leave a comment. We can make a big list or something.

Later!